If only there were a switch men could flip before they opened their mouths and said something completely off-putting. If only someone could invent an early warning system to reside in men's minds and alert them before they uttered something inane or offensive. Why aren't the big brains working on that?
Now, I'm not saying that women are always articulate. I'm not saying we never take a verbal misstep that can send a fella running screaming from the room. But after years of study, it appears to me that men are more likely than women to run off at the mouth in the most unflattering ways. So until someone figures out how to keep gents from going off half-cocked, as it were, I offer these 10 dodgey lines as examples of what to avoid:
1. "Come here often?" Please. This is so hackneyed that even if you actually want to know, it's going to send the wrong signal. All this line does is make you appear totally incapable of an original thought.
2. "Are those real?" Curiosity killed the cat. It also just killed your chances with her, unless she's a total bimbo. "The rule of thumb should be, 'If you have to ask, the answer is probably no,'". "And you should never ask. Wait for your chance to find out first-hand."
3. "What's your sign?" Hello? It's the 21st century. You're probably still wearing that nifty polyester disco suit or a turtleneck jumper and belted leather jacket. Unless you're at a theme party or a retro bar, this line screams, "Hi, I'm a walking cliché."
4. "My wife's away." Quick. Duck and cover. "This line — and the guy who says it — is an accident waiting to happen,".
5. "Are you pregnant?" Nothing good will come from this — ever.
6. "Who's your daddy?" Someone please retire this one. "Where do guys get the idea that women dig this line?" wonders Trina, 29. "Have you ever met a women who gets turned on by it? Of course not!"
Saturday, July 14, 2007
4 places your kisses count most
When it comes to kissing, the man who seems to have all the time in the world has exactly the right idea. At the beginning of a relationship, you want to reveal your tender, creative, passionate side. The kiss is the embodiment of all these wonderfully seductive qualities. It can't be hurried, or delayed, or — god forbid — avoided. Kissing is an essential part of romance. Arguably the best part... unless we're talking shared crème brulee by candlelight. Anyway, women like a man who knows how to use his mouth — for great conversations and other pursuits. But don't focus only on our lips, gentlemen. We loved the first kiss, the second kiss and the good night kiss. Now show us what else you've got... and maybe we'll return the favour.
The hinges:
Seems so simple, yet many a feminine inner elbow and back of knee are going without masculine ardour. The soft skin in these areas is extremely sensitive and perfect for kissing. I recommend a gentle brush of lips that only linger for a second or two.
The hands:
A kiss on the back of a woman's hand is a Victorian formality that is, unfortunately, going the way of the dodo. That's a shame, because a little attention in this perfectly innocent spot can start a thrilling chill. There's no need to stick with convention when you reach for her hand, however. The palms and fingers deserve a little attention too. Remember, our hands work hard. They deserve a loving touch when we least expect it.
The neck:
The coup de grace of all kissing spots, a woman's neck should be kissed often, and for lengthy periods of time. It is an essential part of any man's kissing repertoire. Start with the jaw line and move to the collarbone, leaving a trail of kisses in your wake. Settle in for a long winter's night at the back of the neck and top of the shoulder. This is a place where you can vary your kissing style, from chaste to deep and everything in between. Go on … don’t be shy!
The ear:
On your journey from the neck back to the lips, take a little detour and visit the ear. Proceed with caution because not everybody is an ear-kissing enthusiast. The earlobe is a safe place to start. Be gentle and whisper some sweet nothings while you're in the neighbourhood. This little map is anything but complete, as just about any spot of skin is a great place for a kiss: Wrist, shoulder, eyelid, knuckle — why not? Women will instantly relax and warm up to a man that understands how to be sensual. Whether you met your lady last week or have been married to her since Harold Wilson was at number 10, get those lips moving.
Just remember to go brush your teeth (or dentures) first!
The hinges:
Seems so simple, yet many a feminine inner elbow and back of knee are going without masculine ardour. The soft skin in these areas is extremely sensitive and perfect for kissing. I recommend a gentle brush of lips that only linger for a second or two.
The hands:
A kiss on the back of a woman's hand is a Victorian formality that is, unfortunately, going the way of the dodo. That's a shame, because a little attention in this perfectly innocent spot can start a thrilling chill. There's no need to stick with convention when you reach for her hand, however. The palms and fingers deserve a little attention too. Remember, our hands work hard. They deserve a loving touch when we least expect it.
The neck:
The coup de grace of all kissing spots, a woman's neck should be kissed often, and for lengthy periods of time. It is an essential part of any man's kissing repertoire. Start with the jaw line and move to the collarbone, leaving a trail of kisses in your wake. Settle in for a long winter's night at the back of the neck and top of the shoulder. This is a place where you can vary your kissing style, from chaste to deep and everything in between. Go on … don’t be shy!
The ear:
On your journey from the neck back to the lips, take a little detour and visit the ear. Proceed with caution because not everybody is an ear-kissing enthusiast. The earlobe is a safe place to start. Be gentle and whisper some sweet nothings while you're in the neighbourhood. This little map is anything but complete, as just about any spot of skin is a great place for a kiss: Wrist, shoulder, eyelid, knuckle — why not? Women will instantly relax and warm up to a man that understands how to be sensual. Whether you met your lady last week or have been married to her since Harold Wilson was at number 10, get those lips moving.
Just remember to go brush your teeth (or dentures) first!
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