Why Do I Check My Partner's Email?

Rebuilding trust in a relationship

Question: Why do I have a compulsion to check my partner's email and voicemail?

This is about trust. Stop for a moment and think about how much you trust your partner. Can you honestly say that they wouldn't hurt or deceive you? Do you know in your heart of hearts that your partner is honest and sincere in what they say to you? You might not even realize it, but trust is an important and necessary aspect of any relationship. In order for your relationship to move forward, you need to develop and nurture a level of trust between the two of you. If you trust your partner, your inhibitions and worries will subside and you won't feel the need to check their email, mail or phone messages!

But what if you don't trust your partner? What if you feel the need to check your partner's email, mail and phone messages because you are worried about what they might be doing behind your back? At the beginning of a relationship, trust takes time to develop. Wait and see whether trust grows and expands over time. Plus, trust follows a clear pattern in most relationships: the more you trust your partner, the more your partner is likely to trust you.

Listen carefully

If you are not in the early stages of your relationship, then listen carefully. Whether you trust your partner depends on you. Do you have the ability and desire to trust other people? You may be unable to trust other people, including your partner, because you are still hurting from a previous experience or relationship.
Did you experience abuse in your childhood? Did you give and give to a former partner only to find out that they didn't love you in return? Remember, trust is difficult to develop and perhaps even harder to re-establish once it has been broken.

There also are times when people we trust do harmful or hurtful things to us. Such acts are what we call betrayals -- acts that violate the expectations we hold for our partners. There are hurtful things that we would all agree are acts of betrayal in our relationships, such as, if our partner has an affair or lies to us. These acts are painful because we are confronted with the fact that our partner, whom we trusted, is not as dependable, reliable or honest as we thought they were. Perhaps your partner did something to betray you in the past and you just can't forget it?

There Is Hope

Can you ever regain or strengthen trust in your spouse? The answer is yes. Trust can be rebuilt, but it takes a lot of work and commitment on both partners' parts. You cannot rebuild trust in your relationship alone. You must both be highly committed to working on re-establishing trust.

Here is some advice on how to rebuild or strengthen trust with your partner.

To get started, set a specific time period (e.g., six weeks, six months) to both work on the relationship and trust. Then communicate your lack of trust to your partner in a constructive way. Be sure you don't attack your partner (either physically or psychologically), and listen to their responses in any discussion or disagreement. It is very important both partners understand the other's perspective.

It may take time, but sit down together and make a list of the positive things in your relationship. Coming up with these qualities with your partner is important. The rebuilding or strengthening of trust takes a long time. Remember, when your relationship first started it took time to develop trust. To rebuild it takes even longer -- and that's a message you and your partner should both listen to.

World's Craziest Festivals

1) La Tomatina, Spain

Where it's held: Bunol, near the Spanish city of Valencia
What happens: One hundred tons of over-ripe tomatoes are tossed into the streets, where tens of thousands of revellers quickly reduce them to pulp, leap around and generally enjoy being drenched in reddish, tomato-flavoured mush. Ever wondered what ketchup would be like if it consisted of 60% human sweat? Time to find out…
Why it happens: Nobody's entirely sure, but a food fight of some sort back in the 1940s is thought to have been such fun that it turned into an annual tradition.
Best reason to attend: Nothing unites people like an essentially meaningless large-scale food fight; you'll get to mingle with many folks from dozens of countries and see the humble tomato in a whole new light.

2) Redneck Games, USA

Where it's held: East Dublin, in the US State of Georgia
What happens: Every summer, thousands turn up to watch or take part in such highbrow events as hubcap throwing, bobbing for pig's feet, seed spitting and the big hair contest. Gurning and belly-flopping into pits of mud are also on the agenda, and a fun time is had by all. Appropriately enough, trophies for the victors are in the shape of a crushed beer can.
Why it happens: Back in 1996, someone opined that the Atlanta olympics were being staged by a bunch of rednecks; a local DJ picked up on the idea and decided to hold games that really were staged by a bunch of rednecks. The rest is history.
Best reason to attend: All profits go to local charities and you'll get to experience that famed Southern hospitality: organisers proclaim that "everyone and their butt crack is welcome".

3) Ivana Kupala, Russia / Ukraine

Where it's held Russia and the Ukraine
What happens: This one's all about celebrating the water and fire elements and adoring the great outdoors. On the summer solstice, youths don wreaths, set bonfires alight and leap over them, individually or hand-in-hand with a loved one. Symbolic dolls are dressed up and burned or "drowned", and there's plenty of singing and dancing.
Why it happens: The day's events have their basis in an ancient Pagan fertility ceremony. Tradition holds that there are lots of opportunities for prophesy on Ivana Kupala night; girls can learn their fortunes from the way their wreaths float away on a river, and wealth is assured for anyone who finds a fern flower during the revelry.
Best reason to attend: What could be more lovely than enjoying the countryside on a warm summer's evening? Just make sure to jump high enough that your clothes don't catch fire.

4) Naked Festival, Japan

Where it's held: Inazawa City, Japan
What happens: Thousands of young men, with nothing but a loincloth protecting their nether regions from the biting Japanese winter, throng a symbolic naked man who is paraded through the streets on a journey towards a particular shrine. The fellow in question, the "Shin-Otoko", must be completely shaved of hair and can expect to be bruised, battered and generally manhandled as the followers try to grab hold of any bit of him they can reach.
Why it happens: Tradition holds that the Naked Man absorbs the bad luck and past indiscretions of those who touch him; for hundreds of years, followers have strived to transfer their evil spirits to him and harry him out of town.
Best reason to attend: Japan is a place that's nearly always polite, civilised and ordered; here's a chance to see a bit of its slightly creepy side in action.

5) Burning Man, USA

Where it's held: Black Rock Desert, in the US State of Nevada
What happens: Earthy New Age types swarm upon an unworldly desert to dress up in outlandish costumes, share artworks, listen to music and burn a 40-foot tall effigy of a man. This "experimental community" of up to 50,000 people is all about self-expression, leaving all creature comforts back home and "learning self-reliance".
Why it happens: Back in 1986, a group of friends hanging out on a California beach set fire to an 8-foot effigy of a man, as you do, and were impressed by the number of onlookers who came to gawp. They felt it was all a bit spiritual and decided they should do the same thing again the next year. The tradition was born, later merging with a Nevada-based festival to become the juggernaut that Burning Man is now.
Best reason to attend: Local authorities in many parts of the world would frown upon slathering green body paint all over one's person and driving around naked in home-made pedal cars; here, you can do that and still be the most conservative person at the party.

6) Onbashira, Japan

Where it's held: Nagano, Japan
What happens: Onbashira is a game of two halves. The first bit of the festival involvs a ceremonial dragging of huge logs down from mountain slopes towards four Shinto shrines. Brave youths show off by standing on the logs as they slide downhill. Stage two of the event involves the logs being raised into position to support the shrine buildings.
Why it happens: This six-yearly ceremony has supposedly been going on for more than a millenium and serves to give the central shrine a symbolic renewal.
Best reason to attend: Log-surfing is a bit of a niche activity which you won't see in many other places.

7) Vegetarian Festival, Thailand

Where it's held: Phuket, Thailand
What happens: During the ninth lunar month of the Chinese calendar, Phuket locals of Chinese descent observe a meat-free diet for ten days as a sort of spiritual detox program. Rituals and processions are staged across town, with some participants piercing bodily bits in all manner of painful ways to express their devotion.
Best reason to attend: To watch a truly incredible spectacle, and to be glad that someone else rather than yourself is pulling a wagon with wires strung through their face.

8) Roswell UFO Festival, USA

Where it's held: Roswell, in the US State of New Mexico
What happens:UFO enthusiasts get together to attend parties, speeches, book signings, parades and all manner of other social events. Often, while dressed as aliens.
Why it happens: Believers love Roswell because legend has it that an alien spacecraft crashed in the desert just outside of this usually-sleepy town in 1947. Extra-terrestrial beings, some still alive, were supposedly found at the crash site and their wrecked flying saucer squirrelled away for secret analysis. The US government insists the spaceship was a mere weather balloon. Spoilsports.
Best reason to attend: Because the truth is out there.

9) Danjiri Matsuri, Japan

Where it's held: Various places in Japan, but the most famous event is in Kishiwada, Osaka
What happens: Groups of locals haul ornate wooden carts through the town streets at alarming speed, making lots of noise as they go. A carpenter surfs atop each cart and tries not to fall into the heaving crowds of bystanders.
Why it happens: It's said to have derived from harvest festivals several hundred years ago. The Danjiri is also an opportunity for folks from various neighbourhood groupings to big themselves up, by making their cart the most impressive with ornate carvings and paintings.
Best reason to attend: No visit to Japan would be complete without seeing at least one eccentric festival or parade, and this is the perfect opportunity.

Top Ten Long-Haul Honeymoon Hotspots

Getting married any time soon? If you're in need of ideas for a honeymoon destination, look no further: here are the ten most popular long-haul spots for newlywed couples, as rounded up by luxury holiday specialists Destinology. And if you're not fortunate enough to be tying the knot, just find some other excuse to splash out and head for one of these tropical paradises...

1. Maritius

Topping the list, the "Pearl of the Indian Ocean" offers a hatful of stunning beaches, is a manageable size and has a broad range of luxury hotel options.

2. The Maldives

Low-lying, low-key and surrounded by some of the planet's clearest and bluest waters, the Maldives remain a popular choice for UK couples.

3. Dubai

Up-and-coming Dubai is making its mark as a honeymoon destination thanks to a superb climate, golden beaches and impressive shopping and nightlife options.

4. Koh Samui

Whether you want to kick back and have a quiet time or party til dawn on the beach, this idyllic Thai island will cater to your needs.

5. Langkawi

Beautiful, laid-back Langkawai (part of Malaysia) is a verdant and enigmatic island with ancient rainforests and mountains leading down to white sand beaches.

6. Barbados

A perennial favourite with UK travellers, Barbados has it all; excellent weather, picture-perfect beaches, charming towns and villages and a beautiful green interior well worth exploring.

7. St. Lucia

The much-photographed twin peaks of St Lucia provide a stunning backdrop to your Caribbean honeymoon. Scuba dive, take a horse-ride on the beach or just chill at a fantastic hotel resort.

8. Krabi

One of the less well-known places on our list, Krabi is a delghtful island on Thailand's Andaman coast, offering beautiful beaches, sheltered coves and secluded mangrove forests and waterfalls.

9. Sri Lanka

Continuing to grow in popularity, Sri Lanka offers fine beaches and fascinating culture. It may not be as developed as some Indian Ocean islands but has many first-class beach hotels to pick from.

10. Las Vegas

The themed hotels of "Sin City" means you can enjoy a flavour of Venice, Paris, Egypt and other places all in one glitzy modern city. Plus, there's more food than you could ever eat, warm sun nearly all year round, and gorgeous mountain scenery just outside of town.

World's Top Nude Beaches

Sun, sea and stripping off...

If you're the kind of person that feels overdressed in swimwear and you like to bare all when you holiday in the sun, this selection of great nude beaches around the world will be right up your street.

In most corners of the planet you'll find an abundance of excellent beaches where nakedness is fully acceptable; here's our pick of some of the very best...

1) Naked in North America

San Onofre, USA

The only beach in our round-up to be sung about in the Beach Boys's "Surfin' USA", San Onofre is an impressive stretch of sand at San Clemente, California. This is a place where local military forces and nude sunbathers get awkwardly close, for the US Marine Corps have a camp in the area. As the musical connection suggests, it's a prime surf spot too, but catching waves in the altogether is not recommended unless you like stinging sensations and getting berated by macho surfing types.

More info: USA country guide

Baker Beach, USA

In the shadow of the Golden Gate Bridge, Baker Beach is a mile-long strip of sand just a few moments from the bustle and tourist mayhem of San Francisco's waterfront area. This being America, you have to stay in the official nude area of the beach (stick north of the "Hazardous Surf" sign) or you may get a stern ticking off from officials. It's a lovely beach but not the best spot for prolonged swimming; the water in the Bay is famously cold and there are various shark species milling around, ready to nibble at body parts that intrigue them.
More info: USA country guide

2) Bare Down Under...

Swanbourne Beach, Australia

This superb beach near Perth, Western Australia, is the site of the annual Australian Nude Beach Olympics, where people turn up to play volleyball, tug-of-war and other beach sports in the buff. It remains a massively popular destination the rest of the year too, with naturists from around the world splashing in the clean water and enjoying the shade provided by sizeable dunes. Making things even more interesting is the fact that a military rifle range sits just beyond the beach; don't stray too close or you may find privates firing at your privates. Strewth!

More info: Australia country guide

3) Naked in Greece

Paleochora and Elefonisi, Greece

On the island of Crete, lovely Paleochora beach has a superb setting, with the sand backing onto trees and then mountains. The northern stretch of beach is where naked folk let it all hang out. Elefonisi meanwhile has a more tropical, almost Caribbean feel to it; water here is crystal clear and though it's not specified as a nudist beach, you'll encounter many a clothes-less bather by the dunes.

More info: Greece country guide

4) In the buff in Britain

Studland Bay, Dorset

It's one of Britain's best-known naturist beaches but Studland Bay is family-friendly too, for the naked and clothed areas are clearly marked out. As well as being a delightfully scenic summer spot for chilling out (naked or otherwise) and enjoying the surrounds, Studland is popular with birdwatchers, who get to spot such rare birds as the Black-necked Grebe. Want more trivia? It's also the place where Coldplay's clever "Yellow" video was filmed.

5) Naked fun in the Mexican sun

Tulum, Mexico

Tulum is quite possibly the world's best option if you want to combine an all-inclusive resort holiday, a dash of fascinating cultural attractions nearby and, of course, lots of sunbathing in the buff. There's a glorious little secluded beach (above) or you can be comfortably naked in and around the naturist-friendly Cabanas Copal Hotel just above it. Nearby are stunning Mayan ruins, looming over the blue pacific ocean for one of the country's finest photo opps.

More info: Guide to Mexico

6) Nude beach fun in Croatia

Valalta, Croatia

This busy Croatian destination is not merely a nude beach but an entire resort situated in a lovely area of fjords. As well as two huge, clean bays for swimming, there's a large pool and sundeck area interspersed with landscaped gardens and olive trees. If you feel like taking a break from all that garment-free sun-worshipping, Croatia remains one of Europe's most popular destinations, with endless scenery and charming towns to explore.

More info: Guide to Croatia

Wonders of the modern world

1) Millau Viaduct

Built: 2004
Where to find it: Millau, France
Designed by Norman Foster, the viaduct is the tallest vehicular bridge in the world - the summit of one pier topping out at 343 metres. It unlocked the bottleneck that hampered tourists travelling from northern Europe to the south of France and Spain, clipping 4 hours off the journey time.
What to do there: There is an exhibition centre and a viewing point where you can take in the breathtaking view of the viaduct and the Tarn Gorge it spans.

2) Petronas Towers

Built: 1998
Where to find them: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Preposterously huge buildings have been springing up the world over in recent years, but none have acquired instant iconic status quite as fast as these distinctive silver towers that soar over the Malaysian capital at a total height of 1483 feet.
What to do there: Arrive early in the morning and grab a free ticket to the dramatic sky bridge that connects the two towers. This being South-east Asia, there's also an obligatory shopping mall in the basement.

3) Empire State Building

Built: 1931
Where to find it: New York, USA
Even in a city of skyscrapers, the Empire State Building dominates the skyline whichever side you're looking from. Its 102 storeys of art deco grandeur have survived a collision with a B-25 bomber, multiple ravaging from King Kong, and once again has became Manhattan's tallest building after the World Trade Centre was destroyed in 2001.
What to do there: A trip to the building's 86th-floor observatory is a must for any New York visit, but those seeking an even greater high should keep going to the 102nd floor lookout area for a small extra fee. On the way up, be sure to admire the 1930s-tastic interiors. If you'd like to view the building from the outside at close-ish proximity, the upper floors of the Rockefeller Center make a prime gazing spot.

4) Channel Tunnel

Built: 1994
Where to find it: Folkestone, England, and Coquelles, France
Not an attraction so much as a supremely handy piece of engineering, the Channel Tunnel's long-delayed opening has proved worth the wait.
What to do there: Jump on a Eurostar train with your luggage from Waterloo Station London or Ashford in Kent, or drive a vehicle onboard at Folkestone, and you'll be on the other side of La Manche in about 20 minutes. It's ever so clever. Visit www.eurotunnel.com for more info.

5) Sydney Opera House

Built: 1973
Nicely complementing the nearby Harbour Bridge, the striking white roofs of Sydney's famed arts venue are the focal point of the city's waterfront area. It's a truly enigmatic building to explore, both from the inside and out.
What to do there: Don't just pause on the steps for a quick photo; this is a world-class venue for theatre, music, comedy and other performances. Visit http://www.sydneyoperahouse.com%20for booking info. At the very least, take a guided tour to get a real feel for this amazing structure.

6) Bellagio Fountains

Built: 1999
Where to find them: The Bellagio hotel, Las Vegas, USA
These are no ordinary dancing fountains. 1,200 jets of water combine with 4,500 lights to lay on the most impressive free show in town, swaying and leaping in perfect time to music and leaving passing tourists captivated (and occasionally soaked). Even by Vegas standards, it's an incredible spectacle that will leave you wondering how on earth it's all done.
What to do there: Stop for a break as you stroll along the Strip, and take in the free show - performances kick off every 15 minutes.

7) Eiffel Tower

Ancient wonders are all well and good, but many modern feats of engineering can be just as jaw-dropping to experience and are often a lot easier to visit. We present a selection of some of modern mankind's most impressive works of construction, varying from the supremely useful to the purely entertaining.

Built: 1889
Where to find it: Paris, France
10,000 tonnes of steel make up one of Europe's most recognisable structures, a true engineering marvel that continues to wow visitors more than a century after it was constructed.
What to do there: Climb up, admire views of Paris, propose to a loved one, eat at one of the two restaurants within the structure.

Truth Be Told

The truth behind some of today's most prevalent myths about birth control and sex.

Myth: Oral and Manual Sex Are Completely Safe Alternatives

Teens have mixed opinions about these acts. Some view them as a way to get the benefits of sex without any of the risks. But plenty of others end up worried that thing like oral sex could leave them pregnant. Both are wrong.

The Truth: Oral, manual, and anal sex aren't risk-free. All these alternatives to sex, particularly anal, can still spread STDs. To reduce the risk of infection with anal sex, use condoms. For oral sex you can use condoms or dental dams. On the other hand, there isn't much of a chance these acts could get you pregnant. Pregnancy is only possible if semen gets on your vaginal area (even the outside).

Myth: You Can't Get Pregnant On Your Period

The Truth: It's not common, but it is possible. Women are fertile when they're ovulating—that is, when their body has released a mature egg cell into their reproductive tract. Periods flush the egg away, so it's true that, technically, there's nothing for sperm to fertilize until another egg is released. However, sperm can live in the vagina for several days—anywhere from five to seven, depending on who you ask. If you have unprotected sex on your period and there are still sperm around when you start ovulating again, pregnancy can happen.

Myth: Douching or Jumping Up and Down After Sex Will Prevent Pregnancy

The Truth: If that were the case, women who wanted to get pregnant would never be able to stand up. Women's bodies have evolved to keep at least some of the semen from falling out when they stand; there's actually a sort of indentation inside the vagina that holds semen in place after sex. Jumping up and down will not knock it all out. Douching—no matter what you douche with—may just push the sperm into your uterus. If you've had unprotected sex in the last five days and are worried about getting pregnant, the best option is emergency contraception. You can get it through your doctor or through a Planned Parenthood health center.

Myth: Guys Who Drink Mountain Dew Can't Get You Pregnant

The Truth: This myth is associated with long-standing urban legends about yellow dye No. 5. But, fact is, that yellow dye has been in use for nearly 100 years and is approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. Suffice to say, it doesn't lower sperm count. Even if it did, a man with a low sperm count still might have as many as 20 million of the little swimmers in every cubic centimeter of semen. And there's at least two to four cc of semen every time a man ejaculates. That's still plenty of chances to get pregnant.

Myth: Only Teenagers Have Unplanned Pregnancies

The Truth: The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy says that the birthrate among women age 15 to 19 has dropped by 35 percent since 1991. Today, unintended pregnancies are common among women in their late 40s. The problem: Many older women assume they're too old to get pregnant before they actually are. Some also mistake pre-menopausal symptoms for menopause itself and stop using protection, only to discover that they had at least one viable egg left.